I do not normally like publicizing personal issues such as this, but this is no ordinary issue. Last Summer, I lost my mother.
I remember everything so clearly, every single detail. It continues to play and play in my head and I cannot seem to escape it.
This article is not to talk about my life, but the journey I am trying to get onto in order to improve my quality of life and continue to work towards my own personal and career goals, but with a different perspective, and of course a different experience. I want this post to help those who are having a rough time in their life to be used as a reference, hoping to help not only me, but hopefully you as well. Whether it be depression, lack of purpose, or even grieving such as myself. I am hoping this post is general enough for people to connect with and is transferable no matter the situation.
So what changed? Everything.
What can you do about it? Not a lot to be honest… but here are a few tips that are helping me get through every single day.
1. Stay Positive
This is probably the worst advice I could give anyone since it’s so generic. But honestly, the little positives each day, or looking at the positives of every bad situation has been helping me wake up every single day, believing that it will be a good day. It causes my mind to reset if you will. This reset of my brain has allowed me to take on each day as it comes. To be in the now, instead of worrying about the future, or the past. The past caused me to feel enormous guilt causing me to emotionally abuse myself. I always thought, “I should have taken care of her better”, or “why didn’t I spend more time with her?” Thoughts like this consumed me, not allowing me to move forward with my life and help myself and those around me.
2. Start a new hobby
I have attempted to do this tip, but have failed due to other circumstances in my life right now. But, I am hoping to start painting and reading. If you know me… I cannot paint, I am not creative at all and it might end up just looking like a brown piece of poop on some some fancy canvas… but I will try my best haha. Also, reading… oh my goodness.. I dread it. Especially if it’s for fun in terms of fiction. Reading something for fun? To escape and indulge into characters? Nah… I’m good. But, don’t worry, I will try to do this. I have a Kindle and random books in my library… so I’m on the right track! Anyways, my point here is to add something new into your life that allows you to escape from whatever it may be for even 5 minutes a day. This may allow you to discover a new passion, let you learn more about yourself, or at least give you that alone time you so desperately need.
3. Take care of yourself
This is a tip that I have a hard time comprehending. It’s because I am so used to making sure other people are okay without even taking a moment for myself. But, even taking a mental rest day, or if you need to be alone, take it. Do activities for yourself that will allow you to regenerate without feeling an ounce of guilt. This will benefit you in the long run.
4. Accept genuine help
This should be transferrable with any difficult situation, but I will specify this tip with my situation. With my mother, I saw/heard from so many people I haven’t heard from in years. It was amazing to see. I felt like there was real support everywhere I looked. The only thing I would learn to regret was the fact that I did not accept or was fully open to their help. Growing up, I was always fairly independent, or only counted on immediate family if I needed help. Because of this personality trait, I was exhausted, I was unable to fully support my family emotionally or even allowed myself to take everything in. I was either sleeping, or always on the move trying to make sure everything went smoothly. But I should have asked for help, or accepted the help that was offered to me by extended family and friends. Once everything was finished, there were only a few people who will still genuinely be there for you. I am not saying those who are busy with their own lives aren’t, they need to get back to their normal day to day lives which is understandable. After everything happened… a few months later, I learnt to talk it out, cry it out, or just escape with anyone. If someone actually is there and wants to listen to you, take the opportunity! It helps immensely to let it all out. If you do not want to open up to anyone, knowing that you have a few genuine people to count on is comfort enough.
Of course I had to add this. Would this be a fitness blog if I didn’t? But in all seriousness, during any tough time you will either gain or lose weight (I gained a bunch of weight) due to stress and coping mechanisms. This is just the reality. Working out will allow you to cope in a different and healthy way.
6. Do something out of your comfort zone
Do something drastic, different, something that is totally out of the ordinary. Shock yourself, and others with this physical, emotional, educational, or spiritual change. I chose to get a tattoo, and I did not think too much of it and just got it done. I am not telling you to get a tattoo (unless you really want to) but, it was out of my comfort zone, and it simply was a small change to the daily struggles I was experiencing.
7. Try to have a routine again
With all of the changes in your life, you will need a regular routine again. Something fairly mundane to allow your brain to go into autopilot. This allows you to get stuff done, but stay fairly relaxed during the day. You are aware of what comes next instead of constantly fearing of what will come.
8. Don’t “move on” just move forward
Time does NOT heal the soul. Whatever your situation may be, you will hear that “time heals the soul” maybe a million times. This is NOT true. I will never be able to move on, I will never be able to “get used to it”, and my life will never be “normal” again. My family and I have a new normal that we are trying to adapt to and move forward with. We will never be able to “move on”.
Mom, this blog post is for you. I miss you and I love you.
Rest in Peace July 28, 2017